Can I give my useless, old-fashioned advise?
Drinking alcohol doesn't make you look cool, nor solve your problem. It just makes everything worse.
Believe me...
You said that you are afraid of losing everyone you love.
Don't you about everyone you love losing you?
You drink, get drunk, pass out.
What will everyone you love think?
Have you ever thought of that?
Thanks for reading my useless comment