Shoutbox

LMAO







There are alot of ebaums world crap on here, so if you guys check that site regularly then all this would be reposts. Otherwise, have fun:


Remind me NOT to park in this lot:

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/wmv/carthieframpage.wmv

This one is retarded, this bus driver is an idiot, he should be charged for doing this.

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/wmv/busprick.wmv


This one is frekin halarious, just watch it all, sooo funny i laughed so much.

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/wmv/drunkownage.wmv


This card trick is pretty cool, I have no clue how he does it.

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/wmv/invisiblecards.wmv


This....I think is a joke, some guy says he can bring the UFO's to earth, i
think its a load of crap.

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/wmv/ufoguy.wmv


this one is halarious:

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/wmv/smartbear.wmv



Top jokes around the world:

TOP JOKE IN WALES.

A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."


TOP JOKE IN ENGLAND.

Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."


TOP JOKE IN SCOTLAND.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.


TOP JOKE IN NORTHERN IRELAND.

A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad news and worse news".

"Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient.

The doctor replies: "You only have 24 hours to live."

"That's terrible," said the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?".

The doctor replies: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."


TOP JOKE IN UK.

A woman got on a bus, holding a baby. The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her money into the money box and took a seat near the rear of the bus.

The man seated next to her sensed that she was mad and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she said. The man thought for a second and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my
mind." "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."


TOP JOKE IN USA.

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."



TOP JOKE IN CANADA.

When Nasa first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, scientists spent a decade and 12 billion dollars to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.


TOP JOKE IN AUSTRALIA.

This woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight...."


TOP JOKE IN BELGIUM.


Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.


TOP JOKE IN GERMANY.

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: "That's it."



More jokes:


A man was in court for a double murder, and the judge said, "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out,  "You bastard!"

The judge continued, "You are also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out,  "You damned bastard!"

The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom, and said, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you, or I shall charge you with contempt! Now is that a problem?"

The man at the back of the court stood up and responded, "For fifteen years, I have lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer ... he said he never had one!"




and i dont know if you ppl read this b4. but apparntly this is the worlds funniest joke:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"






Man hid turtle on his back

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1381412.html?menu=news.quirkies

Semen moisturiser big in Mexico

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1381407.html?menu=news.quirkies

Boy finds live snake in cereal

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1381366.html?menu=news.quirkies

Man spends one day in a pig farm for calling cops pigs

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1380258.html?menu=news.quirkies

Sleepy fan locked in stadium

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1373791.html?menu=news.quirkies

8 year old boy fights lion to save sister

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1372546.html?menu=news.quirkies

Man finds two-headed snake in garden (pic in link )

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1366420.html?menu=news.quirkies


Drunk monkeys cause chaos LMAO

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1362276.html?menu=news.quirkies



Another amazing card trick:

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/wmv/cardtrick.wmv











(this one is halarious)



now this one,.....is abit odd.....how can a chicken have sex with an elephant?




More jokes:

Passengers on a small commuter plane are waiting for the flight to leave. The entrance opens, and two men walk up the aisle, dressed in pilots' uniforms--both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin; but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and people at the windows realize that they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory.

As it begins to look as though the plane will never take off, that it will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin--but at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.

The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon they have all retreated into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

Up in the cockpit, the copilot turns to the pilot and says, "You know, Bob, one of these days, they're going to scream too late, and we're all gonna die. . ."


LMAO (i like this one!)



A man dies and goes to hell. Satan greets him, shows him three doors, and says, "You must spend the rest of eternity in one of the rooms behind these doors. Look in each one and decide which one you want."

The man opens the first door, and sees a bunch of people standing on their heads on a wooden floor, looking very uncomfortable. He opens the second door, and sees a bunch of people standing on their heads on a concrete floor, looking even more uncomfortable. Finally, he opens the third door, and sees a bunch of people standing around chatting and drinking coffee, up to their knees in shit.

"Hmmm," he says, "that looks bad, but it's better than the other two. I'll take the third door." Satan smiles and shows him in.

Ten minutes later Satan walks back into the room and says, "Alright, coffee break's over, everyone back on your heads!"



A Week In Hell

One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with a demon:

Demon: Why so glum, chum?

Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell.

Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Demon: Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab... we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more.

Guy: Gee, that sounds great.

Demon: You a smoker?

Guy: You better believe it.

Demon: Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, it's okay... you're already dead.

Guy: No kidding!

Demon: I bet you like to gamble.

Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Demon: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it.

Guy: Hmmm, that sounds interesting.

Demon: Yes it is. You like to do drugs?

Guy: Yes, I love to do drugs. You don't mean...

Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack! Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, no biggie... you're already dead remember?

Guy: yeah! I never realized that hell was such a swingin' place!

Demon: You gay?

Guy: Uh, no.

Demon: Oooh (grimaces), you're gonna hate Fridays.



CNN gets embarissed, listen carefully

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/howardplug.wmv



Wish what you wish for:


3 people were on top of a cliff. Suddenly with a puff of smoke a genie appeared before them. The genie told the 3 men that if they jumped off the cliff, they'd land in whatever they yelled as they were jumping. They all agreed to jump off yelling whatever they want.

The first man accelerated towards the edge, jumped as far as he could while yelling "MONEY". Sure enough, he landed in a mountain of cash and was filthy rich for the rest of his life.

The second man ran as fast as he could, jumped off the cliff and screamed "GOLD", sure enough, he landed in a uge pile of gold and was an instant billionaire.

The last man ran very very fast, as he reached the edge of the cliff, he tripped over a rock and screamed in pain as he fell downwards

"SHIIIITTTT"





Which Hole?

3 men, a man from ottawa, a man from toronto and a man from montreal die in a horrific car accident, they wake up in heaven and approach heavens gate. They saw god standing next to the devil. God says "heaven is too full, we can only accept 1 of you, so each of you will have to give a question to the devil, and if the devil cannot answer it, then you atomaticaly go to heaven.

First, it was the man from montreal "Do you know every word in the english dictionary?" In a split second the devil disapears and apears back and gives him all the words from Letters A to C, the montreal man was fedup with it that he was pretty sure the devil would keep on going intill Z. The devil snapped his fingers and the montreal man disapeared.

Next was the man from toronto, "what is the longest math formula?" in a split second the devil disapears and apears back and writes down the longest math formula. The devil snaped his fingers andd the toronto man disapeared.

Next and last was the man from Ottawa, he asked the devil. "Get a chair", the devil in a split second went and got him a chair. "get a driller" the devil in a split second got him a driller.

The ottawian drilled 10 holes in the chair, sat down, farted....."which hole did the fart go through?" asked the ottawian.

"Uh,....this one? " said the devil

"nope, hahahah I got you", said the ottawa man

"which hole did it go through then?" asked the devil

"My asshole" said the ottawian as he walked slowly into heaven.





A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her head violently, at which the man got up and left the room.

The husband squirmed the chair across the room to his young wife and hissed, "Darling, I saw him kissing you. He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to have sex, just go along with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives may depend on it!"

"Darling," the wife said, spitting out her gag. "I'm so relieved you feel that way. He wasn't kissing me, he was whispering to me. He told me he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom."



A man goes on a 2-month business trip to Europe and leaves his cat with his brother. Three days before his return he calls his brother.

Brother 1: So how is my cat doing?

Brother 2: He's Dead

Brother 1: He's Dead! What do you mean He's Dead! I loved that cat. Couldn't you think of a nicer way to tell me! I'm leaving in 3 days. You could of broke me to the news easier. You could of told me today that she got out of the house or something. Then when I called before I left you could of told me, Well, we found her but she is up on the roof and we're having trouble getting her down. Then when I call you from the airport you could of told me, The Fire Department was there and scared her off the roof and the cat died when it hit the ground.

Brother 2: I'm sorry...you're right...that was insensitive I won't let it happen again.

Brother 1: Alright, alright, forget about it. Anyway, how is Mom doing?

Brother 2: She's up on the roof and we're having trouble getting her down.




A man is drinking beer with couple of his friends.

the man says "guys, im having trouble with the wife, she doesn't want to do it anymore, what should I do?"

friend 1 says "well it's because she forgot how good it felt"
friend 2 says "yea why don't you go to the flower shop, buy her a rose, then when you get home tonight, crawl under the sheets and give her oral sex"

man says "are you sure about that?"

friend 1 and 2 both yell "yes!"

so the man goes to the flower shop, buys a rose and heads over home. As he got into his bedroom he crawled under the sheets and took off his wife's pants and proceeded to give her oral sex.

Later on..

man says  "ill be right back honey, I need to go to the bathroom"

the man goes into the bathroom and see's his wife on the toilet, the man is in shock!

man screams in horror "what are you doing here??"

wife calmly says  "what does it look like im doing? oh by the way, grandma wasn't feeling well so I let her sleep in our bed tonight"






Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath. Just as he became comfortable, the doorbell rang. The man got out of the tub, put on his slippers and robe, and went to the door. A salesman at the door wanted to know if he needed any brushes. Slamming the door, the man returned to the bath.

The doorbell rang again. On went the slippers and robe, and went to the door. Another salesman at the door trying to sell him some chocolate. Once again slamming the door the man returned to the bath.

The doorbell rang once again. On went the slippers and robe. As he started walking towards the door, he took one step, slipped on a wet spot, fell backward, and hit his back against the hard porcelain bathtub.

Cursing under his breath, the man struggled into his normal clothes and, with every move a stab of pain, got out and drove to the doctor.

After examining him, the doctor said, "You know, you've been lucky. Nothing is broken. But you need to relax. Why don't you go home and take a long hot bath?"





Here's a picture of a public toilet in Swedin that's made entirely out of one-way glass.
No one can see you in there, but when you are inside, it looks like you're sitting in a clear glass box.







Would you use it?





this is one HELL of a car:








http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/weirdlog.php


It's so halarious, read it all..

between some chick and some guy named Josh, but it looks like some other guy is on Josh's email, its so halarious.




http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/facedance.php

Funny video of some boy making face dances





http://www.ebaumsworld.com/awfulweatherman2.html

Watch this nervous weatherman

LMAO!!! omg poor guy I bet you he got fired. LMAO omg I cant stop laughing!!

Look at his face at the end LOOOOL!!! he knows hes getting fired lool.

poor guy lol tisk tisk




very short videos:

http://users.pandora.be/juulkabas/almost%20crash.mpeg

Wow, that was a close one.

http://users.pandora.be/juulkabas/ambulance.mpeg

I dont know if this one is funny, or serious..I find it sort of funny 

http://users.pandora.be/juulkabas/Faces%20Of%20De...te%20Accident.mpeg

Moron....learn how to drive

http://users.pandora.be/juulkabas/smash.mpeg

Driver and passanger died instantly.

http://users.pandora.be/juulkabas/traingrl.mpeg

I dont know if this is real or not...girl gets hit by train.

http://users.pandora.be/juulkabas/crash.mpeg

LMAO

http://users.pandora.be/willem.ringoot1/Weefie.mpeg

ouch... I felt that.

http://users.pandora.be/theretard/kebang.mpg

i dont think its real...lets just hope its not real

http://users.pandora.be/willem.ringoot1/kick-breaknosound.mpeg

You might not want to watch this one...




http://media.ebaumsworld.com/carfall.wmv


omg...Just look at it in slow motion



An interesting flash:

http://rawb.rh.rit.edu/flash/bumble-beeing.swf

Its really interesting, listen to every word everyone says....

Do you get it?

if you dont PM me and ill tell you what the meaning of it was.