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RE: How to remove "offline" status ?
Firstly if you don't want to use it then just don't use it, with your wife for instance unless you tell messenger to connect as "appear offline" then you won't - you will automatically be signed in as online.
You cannot send messages to people while your appearing as offline. You have to change your status to online/busy/away etc to send or recieve messages. Basicially there is no feature of msn messenger where only you can send messages and your contacts can't send them back.
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