Shoutbox

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are
the actual responses by the website officials, who I want to work with.



Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.



Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks?(Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.



Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.



Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?



Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not..   oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross. Come naked.



Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.



Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)


A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.



Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is.. oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night
in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.



Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round?(Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
illegal.



Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets.



Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can
scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
walking.



Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.



Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.



Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.



How funny are they?