Topeka, KS - High school sophomore Brett Tyson was suspended today after teachers learned he may be using PHP.

"A teacher overheard him say that he was using PHP, and as part of our Zero-Tolerance policy against drug use, he was immediately suspended. No questions asked," said Principal Clyde Thurlow. "We're not quite sure what PHP is, but we suspect it may be a derivative of PCP, or maybe a new designer drug like GHB."

Parents are frightened by the discovery of this new menace in their children's school, and are demanding the school do something. "We heard that he found out about PHP at school on the internet. There may even be a PHP web ring operating on school grounds," said irate parent Carol Blessing. "School is supposed to be teaching our kids how to read and write. Not about dangerous drugs like PHP."

In response to parental demands the school has reconfigured its internet WatchDog software to block access to all internet sites mentioning PHP. Officials say this should prevent any other students from falling prey like Brett Tyson did. They have also stepped up locker searches and brought in drug sniffing dogs.

Interviews with students suggested that PHP use is wide spread around the school, but is particularly concentrated in the geeky nerd population. When contacted by BBspot.com, Brett Tyson said, "I don't know what the hell is going on dude, but this suspension gives me more time for fraggin'. Yee haw!"

PHP is a hypertext preprocessor, which sounds very dangerous. It is believed that many users started by using Perl and moved on to the more powerful PHP. For more information on how to recognize if your child may be using PHP please visit http://www.php.net.

Where did you find that?

ROFL

Omfg, that's awesome

* .blade// wonders what will happen when kids are talking about "PSP" in march

wt the?!?!?! ROFL

quote:

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Originally posted by Matty
Topeka, KS - High school sophomore Brett Tyson was suspended today after teachers learned he may be using PHP.

"A teacher overheard him say that he was using PHP, and as part of our Zero-Tolerance policy against drug use, he was immediately suspended. No questions asked," said Principal Clyde Thurlow. "We're not quite sure what PHP is, but we suspect it may be a derivative of PCP, or maybe a new designer drug like GHB."

Parents are frightened by the discovery of this new menace in their children's school, and are demanding the school do something. "We heard that he found out about PHP at school on the internet. There may even be a PHP web ring operating on school grounds," said irate parent Carol Blessing. "School is supposed to be teaching our kids how to read and write. Not about dangerous drugs like PHP."

In response to parental demands the school has reconfigured its internet WatchDog software to block access to all internet sites mentioning PHP. Officials say this should prevent any other students from falling prey like Brett Tyson did. They have also stepped up locker searches and brought in drug sniffing dogs.

Interviews with students suggested that PHP use is wide spread around the school, but is particularly concentrated in the geeky nerd population. When contacted by BBspot.com, Brett Tyson said, "I don't know what the hell is going on dude, but this suspension gives me more time for fraggin'. Yee haw!"

PHP is a hypertext preprocessor, which sounds very dangerous. It is believed that many users started by using Perl and moved on to the more powerful PHP. For more information on how to recognize if your child may be using PHP please visit http://www.php.net.

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Principle: "Did I just hear you say you're using 'PHP'?"
Student: "Yes, I just learned how to use PHP. It's awesome ."
Principle: "How do you use 'PHP'?"
Student: "In any way you want - it's very versatile."
Principle: "When have you been using it?"
Student: "While making websites..."

PHP messes with my head....

ROFL, lol thats so cool, thats whys the school should do clases for teachers and parents to konw more about the internet and computer cause mistakes like those could happen more

I kind of feel bad for hte kid

On the topic of drugs at school , My friend was in a hurry last morning and slipped his ADD Medication in his pocket to take at school, and it fell out of his pocket and a teacher found it and he is suspended.

They are too strict , the only reason he takes it is to pay more attention in school.

yeah i know at our school even parents cant come and drop off the medicine they should ask the DOC first?!?!?!?!

quote:

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Originally posted by NoName
On the topic of drugs at school , My friend was in a hurry last morning and slipped his ADD Medication in his pocket to take at school, and it fell out of his pocket and a teacher found it and he is suspended.

They are too strict , the only reason he takes it is to pay more attention in school.

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lol , ye ai read this a while ago did this really happen tho or was it just a made up story because i would of thought atleast the IT guys at that school would of known what php was.

Speaking of PHP, I just wrote and executed a script that looped through almost 1000 HTML files, loaded them into memory, performed 4 regexp string replacements on each to correct some HTML tags, and saved them... it only took 1.6 seconds to execute on my non-high-end home PC... w00t!

* WDZ

PHP + WDZ = DZ ing it

* .blade// wonders if WDZ will make his g/f or wife where a purple shirt with "PHP" on the front b4...you know

quote:

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Originally posted by blade
his g/f or wife

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quote:

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Originally posted by Matty
PHP + WDZ = DZ ing it

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PHP r0ck0rz my sock0rz



Shame about the kid like, I know people at school who got suspended for having weed

O_o...

Why didn't anyone tell the school what PHP really was?

AHAHAAHAHA  cant believe

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Originally posted by Wabz
Shame about the kid like, I know people at school who got suspended for having weed

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Originally posted by Pr0xY
O_o...

Why didn't anyone tell the school what PHP really was?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Stigmata

quote:

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Originally posted by Pr0xY
O_o...

Why didn't anyone tell the school what PHP really was?

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thats what i was thinking...

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It was a joke i think... lol did u read it all?

or u being sarcastic

LMAOROTFCMP!!! .......


*DJeX pulls out some HTML and lights it up.

hahahahahah that is a good one

they'll be using VB or ASP next

lol, gd1, ppl in ma school got expelled for dealing and sum suspended for possession, lol.....the cocaine out of school by sum of da ppls.....ma ex, lol....aint even suspected to b doin nefin by teachers tho. twats

Rofl!

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Originally posted by Wabz

Shame about the kid like, I know people at school who got suspended for having weed

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lmao, that's hilarious.

And may73alliance, wtf did you just say? Can you please say that in english, I really can't understand :\.

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Originally posted by DJeX
LMAOROTFCMP!!! .......


*DJeX pulls out some HTML and lights it up.

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here they cant suspend you here without proof or u get into shit. haha thats funny what n00bs. man i had trouble explaining what a signature is too my mum because she doesnt know shit =/

maybe i should leave sum CGI lying around and see what the teachers do with it

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Originally posted by Stephen
Proberly stick it in the bin.

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i

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Originally posted by traxor
over here you get suspended for anything

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Originally posted by Stigmata
i

quote:

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Originally posted by traxor
over here you get suspended for anything

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i would say thats a good thing, mite get people to think twice..

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they have no proof that the guy takes drugs, except for, "I like PHP!"

Like, did like did they give him a chance to explain or talk at all...and which country is this??