Hey guys...

Erm... I don't know how to say this. Well, some of you may have gathered some stuff from my thread to do with that test in T&T, but thing is, I'm pretty damn sure I've got some kind of depression. I've asked someone for help, and they're getting back to me tomorrow, so pretty much I'll know for sure tomorrow.

Anywho, apart from a professional diagnosis, it's obvious I do have some form of depression, and it's really eating away at me. And if it's not depression it's something else anyway, so either way, this thread is appropriate.

I feel guilty for keeping stuff from you guys, and it's part of the reason I'm getting so down. You've all been great to me and deserve to know how I really feel. I mean, on here and on MSN to some people I guess I'm perfectly happy, and you wouldn't reckon anything was wrong at all. Yeah, I'm just keeping everything inside and it's doing me no good.

Having said that, I do still have the capacity to feel happy... And laugh and joke and all that. But when that's through it's all just this horrid down feeling... I feel so alone even around people, being part of a conversation, I just feel so seperated from it all...

Basically, I reckon my depression is related to my dad (some of you might not know/remember anything to do with that... let's put it down to that he was a complete *insert a million horrid words here*, eh.), to things that have happened in the past, and something that happened recently concerning school (I don't want to go into it.) So blah.

I *have* self-harmed, not for attention, I hated anyone knowing, but in a way it was a shout out for help, 'cept no-one ever noticed since I kept it hidden.

I keep everything hidden, seriously, this is gonna sound bad, but I doubt some of you know me as well as you think. I don't deliberately want to hide things, but I have this horrible fear of losing people... friends... and I never wanted to say anything that would make anyone think "god she's a freak" and tell everyone else and then ya know... The few people that know most stuff only know it because I thought they wouldn't turn away from me. And that took a lotta guts.

I don't really want to say anymore on this all 'til I know for sure what's up. But looking on wiki, I have a *lot* of the symptoms, and like I said, getting more help off someone who might know how to help me more tomorrow.

Anyway, I just wanted you all to know, in case I snap or whatever. And I just want you all to know. I might disappear for a few weeks or more, or I might not, depending whether I think it will help. I'll always be able to be contacted through myspace (http://www.myspace.com/tashy25) and maybe MSN (if you have me on there), so no worries there.

Thanks for all your understanding. <3

Well done for having the guts to let it out.

Hope you get better Tasha and your not a freak, don't worry <3

We wuv you <3

I'm sure with some professional help you're gonna be fine

All the best Tasha.

It's interesting that you bring up your dad -- maybe its not depression, but anxiety or sadness that you haven't shaken yet? Who knows, it could be good for you to get it off your chest.

you know you can count with me ,

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Originally posted by Tasha

I never wanted to say anything that would make anyone think "god she's a freak" and tell everyone else and then ya know...

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Originally posted by Chris4
We wuv you <3

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Its a good sign that you're taking an active approach in getting it sorted

* Plik huggles tashy

* Plik drools over her random sig and avness

I had depression a few years back, got put on anti-depressants for a while, It all turns out ok after a while ;p

First step is to stop denying/letting it all out... Hope you get better really soon Tasha! It'll be a lot less fun without you around...

Tasha, we're here for you.

There's a million reasons why what has happened has happened. None of us will really understand that, but if you ever need to talk and I'm available, I'll be there for you.

But at least your going the right way about it

I don't know you, but I really think that it's all gonna go ok.
And I know everybody will support!

U can do it.

I myself went through a bit of a hard time (a afew of them) so I know how hard it is to let that kind of information out. But it usually helps in the end so . Remember that I, and a lot of other people, will be there for you if you need it. WLM/MSN, email, etc. Heck, I just added you on MySpace! So if ever there's something you wish to talk about, there's plenty of people to whom you can turn to, even if just to get your mind off things. We all really do care about you and hope you get better soon!

I hope things get better for you, if you ever need anyone to talk too you always know where to find me .

* prashker hands Tasha a domokun

<3

Hope everything goes good

tashy ... i have you on myspace.. and i talk to you on there.
i <3 u hun! .. i thought and wondered if you were "ok" ... but it was more of a fear, i hoped that you were ok. i wish you didn't have to go through something like this.

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Originally posted by ShawnZ
It's interesting that you bring up your dad -- maybe its not depression, but anxiety or sadness that you haven't shaken yet? Who knows, it could be good for you to get it off your chest.

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Tasha, I've been through somthing simular in the way you are feeling (nothing is ever the same and everyone acts differently) I admire you for being able to seek proffessional help (I never could).  If I have something to say that might help it's that you can't change the past but you can always make dreams and follow the steps to be where you want to be.  By the sounds of it you have a lot of people supporting you (including me ).  Hope everything goes well and sorts itself out for you.

tasha, i dont know you much, but all i can say is best of luck..i am sure ull shake it all off and be happy. and we all are there for you, me too, ill do all i can if u ever need me.

I haven't had much interaction with you Tasha but what I gather from your posts and threads is that you are a strong individual. Everyone goes through some for of depression in their lives, I suppose yours is just a bit more severe. One thing you have to consider is that in almost every psychiatric doctrine, a healthy social interaction is considered a good thing. Now I'm not sure if forums fall into that category and that is something for you and the person who is helping you to decide, but rest assured that no one here is out to get you. I'm not sure if you are familiar with the saying "Birds of the same feather flock together" but really, that's the reason why we're here, we share some form of commonality and this is why you would never get shunned or rejected on here. The same goes with friends in real life, I have had similar issues with my family and the loss of people who I cherished a lot but speaking to people about it helped me, it helped me deal with the fact that I have no control over such things. I don't mean run out and tell as many people as you can, I'm sure you have your share of friends who you are really comfortable with and perhaps have grown up with, if you try you'll find support where you never thought it existed. Now, I'm saying all of this because I truly believe that what you are doing is really brave, if I was put into a situation that was similar to yours, I might not be as decisive as you, and I truly applaud you for that. I'm sure that you'll get through this, just take it one step at a time. Don't rush, things like these take their time, but you will heal Tasha. Be brave Tasha, we're all rooting for you. Get well and share some of your great artistic abilities with us, I for one would love to see more art from you.

P.S. I you ever need a shoulder to cry on (metaphorically speaking of course ), don't hesitate to IM me. I have PM'ed you with my email address.

Yours truly,
ipab.

Hey Tasha!

You made me login after being AFK for 3 years! Don't get your self down. Have a biiiiiiiiiiiiiig hug from me

what people have said...

and

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Originally posted by Tasha
(...) Awww, thankies for all the kindness, really. I don't feel like I deserve it (...)

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Tasha i don't know you too well but i still hope you get to the bottom of this ordeal and i admire you for seeking proffesional help!

Get "well" soon, you can depend on all of us!

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Originally posted by markee
If I have something to say that might help it's that you can't change the past but you can always make dreams and follow the steps to be where you want to be.

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i don't know you very well so what i can say is that i hope you get well and just by letting all this out i can see that you're a strong person and i belive you're going to be ok

I'd be giving you all my support and friendship and stuff if i could sign into messenger right now, you've been behind me in the past i gotta return the favour

maybe you should watch some wallace and gromit i know how much you love it