Shoutbox

Creative ideas to spice up Corby news
June 10, 2005


The jury is out on Corby media coverage, writes Laura Jenkins.

I am the first to admit the Schapelle Corby case is fascinating. Even the most garish Hollywood scriptwriter would be hard-pressed inventing the Corby characters: the inexperienced lawyer, the stumbling interpreter, the once bankrupt financial backer, the sister with the enormous mouth named after a prestige German vehicle and the mother who, let's just say, never went to finishing school.

Love them or hate them, Schapelle and her coterie are must-see TV. But instead of bombarding us over and over with meaningless phone and internet polls, and even Channel Nine's ridiculous "worm" of approval, as to whether Schapelle is innocent, I wish the media would indulge our unhealthy interest with more exciting poll questions. For example:

 Vote for the funniest name involved in this case: a) Schapelle; b) Mercedes; c) Lily Lubis; d) Rosleigh Rose; e) Connie Panglahila.

 What is it about "our Schapelle" that makes you most proud? a) Her ability to maintain perfect eyebrows while in prison; b) That she still uses a boogie board at age 27; c) That she actually told her mother to shut her trap in court.

 Schapelle is said to spend her time in jail knitting. What on earth is she making in such a sweltering country? a) A muzzle for her mother for the appeals case; b) An imitation QC's wig for Lily Lubis - the closest she'll ever get to the real thing; c) A pair of fluffy dice for Ron Bakir.

 If you were being sentenced for drug crimes on TV, what would you want your mum to yell at the judge? a) Heaps of expletives like Rosleigh, mainly consisting of verbs used as adjectives; b) Something crazy to do with refunding a tsunami donation; c) A barb about the head judge having not found anyone innocent in 500 cases, so what was the point of the whole charade?

 Does your opinion of Schapelle change if she is guilty? a) Yes, I'm an Aussie and I only back teams when they are winning; b) Not at all, I'm a bit sick of Indonesia. Why can't we be neighbours with a benign country like Canada? c) She should just serve time in one of our comfy jails, which everyone knows are more like luxury hotels.

After thinking about the Corbys way too much, I have even started to wonder how my family would behave, if it were me. Being from the North Shore, my parents would mainly be disappointed that I had booked a holiday to Bali in the first place, and then they would hire flashy lawyers to get me off. If that failed they would storm the jail and we would sail to Majorca, Skase-style.

Or perhaps not. In reality, all they could do is watch the nightmare unfold, like Schapelle's family, but with less swearing and dressed in Country Road. I hope my mum would manage to leave her Helen Kaminski straw hat at home and that my dad wouldn't try and tell the judge I went to the same school as John Howard's daughter. Maybe the Corbys aren't so embarrassing after all.