O.P. RE: install ubuntu from USB drive by floppy
@Verte: the bay also takes Li-Ion batteries designed to fit in there, and the DVD-ROM I mentioned should have actually worked. I opened up the lappy and afaik it was fine. I may have to borrow my dad's DVD-RW from his new laptop and see if it fits instead. That might make everything a whole lot easier.
If all else fails I'll try andrewdodd13's suggestion.
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