Shoutbox

Hmm... I read all of this. And well, apart from the general thing of grammar and spelling and that, I have quite a deep thought on your story.

It's okay. It's quite gripping, but to be honest, it's not carried out very well. I think the initial idea is really good, but the way you've written it is just unbelievable, and in a way, gross, to me. You can write in such a way its very tasteful and respectful, gentle yet brutal, but the way you're writing, it's kind of disgusting (that's too strong of a word actually). It's just how you put "raping and beating", like it's a really matter-of-fact thing... It just doesn't seem right to handle such a horrid subject in such a matter-of-fact way.

This story is pretty unbelievable too. I don't mean that it's weird for a 15 year old to do murdering or whatever, but it's really unbelievable that they'd actually do so much in such a short space of time. And I mean, that bit where she goes out the back garden, she couldn't get over the fence and flip like that. Also, the way the police and ambulance people are acting is really just not right, I highly doubt they'd act like that in real life. I really doubt any 14 year old girl in that situation would be as cocky as this Becca appears to be either.

I do seriously dislike how you've handled such a delicate subject in this story. Like I said, the idea is good, it's just the way you've carried it out seems really horrible.

Hey, this is just my opinion, I read and write a lot, so I have a big view and opinion on stories. I reckon this could be an awesome story if it was handled a lot more delicately.