Shoutbox

I need help finishing this story off... I've tried all ideas I could think of. If anyone wants to finish this off with their own creative twist and such, I'd appreciate it. Or even just a few ideas on how I should finish it.

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Originally posted by Sweet Dreams


    Joe was holding his breath just as he had been for the entire game so far. He loved playing baseball more than anything in the world, and hated times like this when he was stuck sitting on the bench in the dugout feeling useless and having to wait what appeared to be an eternity to get into the game and show how good he was. But he knew he wouldn’t be on the bench for much longer today. Levi Johnson had just gone up to bat, which meant Joe was next.
    He watched Levi walk calmly up to the plate, seemingly unfazed by the pressure upon his shoulders. Levi took a few practice swings with his trusty bat (which his team had nicknamed “Homer”) before preparing to receive the pitch. Joe knew what a good batter Levi was and so he was not in the least bit surprised when Levi hit a huge homerun out of the park on the second pitch. Joe should have been happy at this because the score was tied and he was the last batter up. He had the chance to win the game for his team, but secretly he had an intense hatred of Levi Johnson who was considered by one and all to be the all-star. Joe thought himself to be the star of the team and was envious of the attention and praise Levi constantly received from the coach and other players.
    Joe watched with barely hidden detest as Levi dropped his bat and trotted around the bases to cheers and applause of the crowd, waving as he went with an arrogant smile slapped across his face.
    Joe quickly had to snap himself out of a fantasy where Levi was run over by a bus because someone was shaking him vigorously and barking instructions in his ear. The person had disgusting breath, so Joe knew immediately that it was his coach Alen Gibson.
    “Okay son, you better get your head on straight and don’t let us down now,” yapped the coach, as Joe slowly looked up at the dark and worn old face which had skin that resembled the bark of a tree. “I hope I don’t have to tell you how important this game is to us son. Now get your skinny butt out there and hit me a homerun, you got it boy?”
    "In your dreams," thought Joe.
    He only nodded as he picked up his bat that had been last year’s Christmas present from his sister. A smile slowly crossed his face. His coach was still shouting orders into his ear but Joe didn’t or couldn’t hear it any more. Something about the way the bat felt in his hands was different. Something had changed. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but it just felt right. He was invincible for the first time in his life and the sense of power that growing inside of him was becoming simply addictive.
    The next thing he knew, he was gripping the bat tightly with both hands facing the pitcher for the other team.  The world appeared to be moving in slow motion for Joe as the pitcher launched the ball at him. Joe knew it was a home run even before he heard the glorious sound of his bat connecting with the ball, firing it over the heads of all the players into the distance even further than Levi’s hit. It was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. It was glorious. In that instant, he was a god, with more power than he could have ever dreamed of. But then he heard the sound again, and then a third time.
    “Oh no,” he whispered as the fog cleared instantly in his mind, leaving him with a sickening feeling of guilt that would never leave him for as long as he lived.
     “What have I done?”
    He was inside an unfamiliar bedroom in the dead of night. It was a girl’s bedroom and he struck on her head savagely three times as she slept with his baseball bat that had been last year’s Christmas present. He looked at her ruined face that had probably been pretty less than a minute ago. She couldn’t have been more than six years old. Her head had been cracked like an egg from the force of the blows upon her. Blood was dripping from the gashes in her head as well as flowing out of her mouth, nose, and most distressingly of all, from her eyes onto her soft lilac pillow and her Barbie pajamas. It was beginning to form a thick puddle on the white carpet below. It had also covered the brown, fluffy teddy bear that she still clutched tightly in her arms and the poster of a unicorn standing on a hill in the moonlight on the moonlight on the wall behind the bed.
    The killer put a trembling hand to his mouth to stop the scream that was trying to escape from his lungs. Tears began to pour uncontrollably down his face as he made his way slowly and quietly out of the house through the dining room window which he had apparently broken in.

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What short story?

and they lived happily ever after

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Originally posted by *Saint*
and they lived happily ever after

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Would work for a fairy tale.... But we'd  need to know some sort of background or plot to the story to help with the ending.

I added the story... i completely forgot it.

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Originally posted by joe cool
I added the story... i completely forgot it.

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lol... not a problem... I'll see if I can come up with an ending in a little while... Day off of school so I should have plenty of time a bit later.

Nice story . I will have a think about it and report back.

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Originally posted by joe cool
“Oh no,” he whispered as the fog cleared instantly in his mind, leaving him with a sickening feeling of guilt that would never leave him for as long as he lived.
“What have I done?”
He was inside an unfamiliar bedroom in the dead of night. It was a girl’s bedroom and he struck on her head savagely three times as she slept with his baseball bat that had been last year’s Christmas present. He looked at her ruined face that had probably been pretty less than a minute ago. She couldn’t have been more than six years old. Her head had been cracked like an egg from the force of the blows upon her. Blood was dripping from the gashes in her head as well as flowing out of her mouth, nose, and most distressingly of all, from her eyes onto her soft lilac pillow and her Barbie pajamas. It was beginning to form a thick puddle on the white carpet below. It had also covered the brown, fluffy teddy bear that she still clutched tightly in her arms and the poster of a unicorn standing on a hill in the moonlight on the moonlight on the wall behind the bed.
The killer put a trembling hand to his mouth to stop the scream that was trying to escape from his lungs. Tears began to pour uncontrollably down his face as he made his way slowly and quietly out of the house through the dining room window which he had apparently broken in.

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Wow, the whole story changes there! If I was you, I would drop that part But I'm guessing that's what you were planing to write from the start.

ENDING:
...through the dining room window which he had apparently broken in... through. It appeared that no one had heard what happened; the neighbourhood was still asleep. Early in the morning the next day, things had changed. There wasn't one person who didn't know what had happened. The police were everywhere you looked but they were unnecessary as the body had been found. Lying there, dead just outside the house.

I couldnt end that story, It doesnt really have a story line or really make sence. One minute hes playing baseball the next minute hes smashing 6 year olds head open?

¬¬ Nu uh. The descriptions are good but the actual story isnt.