I will translate it to spanish if you want.
For those who want to translate this. Please don't....
The lines are directly taken from the game Monkey Island. They are not simply made up in one day by Patchou or whatever...
The Monkey Island game is a game which uses jokes within sentences and words, word jokes, grammar jokes, twisted sayings, etc. They are as good as impossible to decently translate.
The whole point of the game (and I mean Monkey Island, not this /insult easter egg) is fighting with words instead of swords (and there is your first word joke already!). With all due respect, but translation something like that, which the creators took a very long time in making, is raping the whole meaning of it.
So if you want a translation, I suggest to fatfreechicken to look up the official translations of Monkey Island for this and don't use any other resource.
Such things like this are not meant to be translated, let alone by a non-professional (no offense).